We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Mom said you looked used
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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