Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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