sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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