chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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