I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
Randomize
