where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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