i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
I smell like Dick and happiness
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
