the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Randomize
