After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Randomize
