OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Randomize
