I just threw up on my dentist
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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