absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Randomize
