if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
