I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
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