It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
