Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
