Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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