Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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