I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
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