I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
I just googled if crying burns calories
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
