dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
