my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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