The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
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