My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
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