Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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