**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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