HIV tests are more positive than that guy
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Randomize
