'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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