YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Randomize
