im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad