cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.