In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
21 People Tragically Stumbled Upon A Dead Body
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
27 Socially Expected Things That Are The Absolute Worst
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Everyone says I win the strip club
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.