She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Randomize
