You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
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