K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Randomize
