You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Randomize
