the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Randomize
