Well douche your snatch and let's go!
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Randomize
