Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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