I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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