I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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