drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize
