Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
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