Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
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