After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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