he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Randomize
