i will never coherently bang her
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
