I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Randomize
