She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
I did not marry a roomba.
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