morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
