someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Randomize
