he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Randomize
