No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
