so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
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