when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
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