I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
Who did Billy Mays play for?
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
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