Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
Is her dick bigger than yours?
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
