Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Randomize
