Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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