his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Randomize
