Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
