a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
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