i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
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